Toxic Masculinity is NOT a Thing
Where we unpack what this commonly used term means to find that it isn't true
Everybody knows that toxic masculinity is real, right? Because we all know men who have done bad things that hurt themselves or others. True, those men do exist and we do need to acknowledge them, but it’s past time to stop blaming masculinity itself for bad behaviors.
In this week’s video from my Living Manly series, I explain why the idea of toxic masculinity is so popular—and such an easy trap to fall into. But why it’s ultimately not borne out by the data. Because men who are higher in masculinity, as they experience it, are actually higher in the benefits they provide society, not the risks they place on others.
This video is an extension of a piece I wrote in October 2021 for the Institute for Family Studies called The Pitfalls and Power of Masculinity, in which I wrote:
The problem with men is real. Men commit nearly nine out of 10 murders and are responsible for 72% of criminal arrests. They take their own lives at 3.6 times the rate of women. And their prospects for the future can be bleak—men are more likely than women not to have the support of close friends, and today’s young man is less likely to attend and graduate college than his female peers.
If you think the reason that some men are so troubled is that they are plagued with masculinity, you are not alone. Even the American Psychological Association (APA) says so:
[T]raditional masculinity—marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression—is, on the whole, harmful. Men socialized in this way are less likely to engage in healthy behaviors.
But I also went on to show that even though some men do these things, their masculinity is not to blame. Instead, self-described “very masculine” men provide a wide array of benefits to their families and communities. For example, borrowing just one of many figures in that article we see that:
Is there any harm in using the toxic masculinity claim to constrain and restrain men from being their worst selves? Yes. First of all because the small number of men most likely to actually harm others through acts of abuse, harassment, or crimes of all types, have already demonstrated that they are unwilling to heed the disapproval of others. So you’re not actually influencing the people you most want to inhibit. But you are inhibiting many others—good men, all of them, who minimize their own sense of masculinity because they either believe that giving expression to it might harm them, Jekyll & Hyde style, or because they know they will be disapproved of. This deprives them and our communities from the energy and investment they could be making if they felt it would be encouraged.
It’s a subtle argument, but a true one, if only on the margins where men like me find ourselves, trying to appease the “don’t be a man” messengers of the culture when in fact, the thing those close to us need most is a man willing to be a man, in all that rich goodness that the term masculine really involves.
Next up: I’m ready to finally learn how to care about sports. With a Super Bowl, March Madness, and Red Sox Opening Day all coming up soon, I’ll be reaching out to superfans to learn what I’m missing by not following sports. If you have suggestions for me on how to prep, how to draw up a March Madness bracket, or anything related to getting into sports, please share in the comments.